Pages

4.20.2017

Telling Your Kids to Marry for Money, is it OK?

As parents, we all want the best for our kids. In fact, we want them to have better experiences in life than we may have had. We know life isn't easy, but we sure do want to try to make it as easy for them as we can. We may try to nudge them in a direction that we know is best. In the privacy of our homes, we may share our "real" opinions with our kids, which if we shared in public, may make us sound a certain way. Sometimes, we make them the center of our worlds and not purposely, we teach them it's OK to be just a little "selfish" and to remember it's OK to look out for "#1" because we know this world can swallow you up in one quick gulp so, you have to look out for yourself and do what's best for you. Sometimes, this means being selective of who you spend your time around and where you spend it. This is normal and we do it out of love and they know this. But, in the area of love, is it OK to tell our kids to marry someone who is rich? To choose a mate that has money and wealth?

My concern is that we are teaching our kids to judge individuals based on what they have and not who they are. I get it. If your child can not acquire their own wealth but marries into wealth, this can ease our fears and worries. This morning I was watching the Today show and one of the topics was, "Is it OK to tell your daughter to marry a rich man?"  My first reaction was, "Hell No!" I don't even have daughters but if I did, I would not want them to choose men to date based on their financial situation. Wouldn't that make them gold diggers?

Also, as a woman, I am offended because that is the same thing as telling them they are not intelligent enough or capable of providing for themselves financially. This is showing them that happiness comes in the form of cold, hard plastic or crisp dollar bills.

It disheartens me to think that some day, women will look at my sons and see them for what they have and not who they are. I have a thirteen year old and a twenty month old, so I have no idea where they will be financially when they become adults. But I do know what we plan on teaching them when it comes to finding a spouse. I look at my oldest son and I see a creative, intelligent, talented individual growing into a fine young man. If I am concerned about any women he will be dating, it will not be because of what is in her pocket, but instead,what is in her heart.

Financial stability is a wonderful thing. No worries. The ability to take pay all your bills, live well, eat well, take vacations and come and go as you please. This is what everyone desires, however, teaching our children that only a certain type is good enough and everyone else is at the bottom of the barrel is horrible. This is a problem in our society and why we seem to be stagnant sometimes in so so many social areas. We lack empathy for one another and seem to think one size fits all.

I came across an article, "Why I Regret Telling My Son To Marry a Rich Girl". This was interesting because instead of a girl being told to marry a rich man, here you have a father telling his son to marry a rich woman. Because his son is "such a catch", as he put it, he believes that he needed to aim high in finding a woman to marry.

"You're such a good catch: handsome, athletic, working," I'd tell him, and then jokingly add: "You should aim high and find yourself a rich girl from a good family."
His son does find a rich woman but guess what, he's not good enough for her according to her family. What's interesting to me about this also, is that if you are rich does this automatically mean you come from a "good family"? I'm sorry, but I thought a good family was a family that sticks together no matter what. A family that supports and loves each other.  Does this mean , everyone else who falls below a certain pay scale is just not worthy enough.

I asked my 13 year old his thoughts and he said f he were to come across any woman who was more interested in his bank account than him as a person, then that is not the woman for him. I applaud him for that and truly pray that when he does enter the world as an adult, his values and morals will keep him strong in his decision making. My husband and I have been trying to raise him with the understanding that your job and your material wealth does not make you who you are. Your actions in this world is what makes you a man. The world is sometimes not a comfortable place and sometimes, you have to work hard to survive. Nothing comes easy.

First, everyone's journey is their own personal journey, so we tend to raise our children based on our own personal experiences and we try to prepare them for a world that we know and have experienced, so raise your children the way you want. No judgments, at the end of the day, we are all doing our best and just want our kids to be happy in life.


Let's face it, marriage is hard to begin with. Falling in love is easy. It's beautiful. It's sexy. When you find someone that rocks your world, it's quite magical. You get married and have a family, and then one day, you realize, marriage is work. Staying married, until death do you part, is hard. Like, really hard. It involves team work, it involves, empathy, and it involves paying the bills and living. Money does take the edge off if you've got it. Most couples argue about money and some even get divorced over it. So, wanting to keep your kids safe, I get it but isn't there another way to make sure our kids have some sort of financial safety without teaching them to depend on someone else?

There are young women out there who are entering the adult dating world believing they need to snag themselves a rich man. I can't be the only one out there that thinks this is absolutely disgusting. I have two boys, that my husband and I are trying to raise to be good men and I have to warn them about these women who will judge them and put them in a box based on what their income is. I don't know what their financial situations will be, of course I hope they are able to provide for themselves and hopefully live comfortably one day but I don't know if they will be rich. It's horrible to think that they may come across women who will judge their pockets before even knowing who they are. Honestly, if they are  not rich, I am happy that they won't have to worry about getting into relationships with these types, but I can't help but worry about the future of our society.

There are some serious things that need to change and this whole business of high society and million dollar bank accounts is not the future I pray for when it comes to our world. There are problems out there that are bigger than high society life and comparing and competing for what car you drive, what house you live in, etc. There is some serious soul discovering that needs to happen.This world is already filled with people who judge based on the way you look or what you have. I was hoping we could mover forward in our society by looking a little bit deeper.

No comments:

Post a Comment